Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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