she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
