She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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