i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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