I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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