You really coming over, don't trick.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
