You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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