Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
