he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
