im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just come out here and I will go home with you...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
