I just saw a hot homeless man
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
