Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
