I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Randomize
