Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
