I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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