Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
PANTIES FOUND
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