Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
