So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
