i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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