my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
