I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
