So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
