If that was your dad, he is hot
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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