Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
