I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I touched a dick in church today
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
