We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
