Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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