I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
