NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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