I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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