i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i out mim tonsoeep
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