are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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