your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
