the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
