Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
