i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
