i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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