smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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