I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
