Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
