I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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