Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
