Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
