did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
