i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
