She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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