I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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