So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
