Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
