chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
