he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
