She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
