I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
