It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Help. Why am I so naked?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
