Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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