I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
