you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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