Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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