i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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