HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
