Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
