Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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